Ole' Two Sticks...chickoo, chickoo, chickoo

So, here I am on vacation (visiting the family). I'm finding it very difficult to stick to my healthy eating, but it hasn't been too bad so far. I was also worried about having a place to pump my guns, but in fact, just this morning, I was given a free gym membership for the length of my stay. Sweet biscuits! I think they were intimidated by my left bicep. Anyway, as I was leaving the house today with plans of leisurely sports bra shopping, I saw "the guy who lives across the street". Apparently his cognitive faculties have been on the decline the last few years, and he has taken up a new hobby. On a clear day he can be spotted standing under his lovely magnolia tree muttering insults at the neighborhood squirrels. And he has cycled through various weapons in pursuit of their destruction, I am told. First, it was a harmless water hose. The squirrels could be spotted laughing. Next, he took up a hammer, flinging it wildly into the tree, until one day, the hammer, succumbing to the forces of gravity and poor aim, came down upon his head. More squirrel laughter. Now it seems that he prefers the "two stick" method. What does that mean?, you may ask. Well, apparently you need a metal pipe approximately 16 inches long, 2 inches in diameter, as well as the broken end of a broom handle. (You must also go into the fray bare feet wearing a wife beater.) Once these items have been procured, you must face the evil squirrels and rub the 2 sticks together as to lull them into a false sense of security. When the squirrels are quite hypnotized, you make your attack by first throwing one stick quickly followed by another. Note that this does nothing to rid the yard of squirrels, but it may at least give them something to think about. As for the guy across the street, I can't help wondering if I should stop rooting for him. After all, Thoreau said, "The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest." Although, it does sound like a great upper body workout. By the way, I didn't find a sports bra. O well.